IN THIS POST I EXPLAIN THAT MICHAEL BUBLE IS A BIT SHORT COMPARED TO THE IMPOSSIBLY GORGEOUS WOMEN SEEN IN HIS MUSIC VIDEOS

This is a topic which I am not sure if you are aware. Michael Buble is short. Sorry kids, my accented “e” key, otherwise known as the “lower-case e with a cumber-bun,” appears to be broken. Let me explain.

On his IMDB’s bio page (which is really just an ego stroke, and because he was on SNL twice), it lists a height of 5’10.5″, or 1.79 meteors. I don’t measure things by meteors, but the dude is Canadian, and my Canadian-to-USA height ratios are nowhere where they should be (the slide ruler is nowhere to be found). Of course, the .5 inch ruling is impossible also, as half inches would not pass in any court of law. Maybe in Canada? On board.michaelbuble.com, a web site where users from around the world can obsess over things like this (and who are probably all Michael himself), a topic exists named “How tall is Michael? – You’ll Never Know!” (warning: pop-ups). Written (presumably) by a woman named AussieGirl (and probably Michael himself), it plays up the myth that he’s a towering six-footer. As if.

But that’s simply not true.

According to Celebheights.com (warning: terrible web site), he is 5ft 10in (or 178cm). Sounds a bit average, no? Do I believe this? Of course, this is the site that lists Linda Hamilton’s height as 5’4″. Also on Celebheights.com, registered forum commenter Vancouver Girl says they’ve met, and that he is closer to 5’8″ or 5’7″.

Finally, my own knowledge. I met Mr. Buble in a secret location last year. It was not at one of his concerts. According to my driver’s license, I am 5’7″ although on the day I got my updated ID, I was feeling a bit tall. In reality, I am 5’6″. I submit to you, dear reader, that Mr. Buble’s eyeline was at my nose, which would make him somewhere between 5’4″ and 5’6″. I did not check his shoes to see if he was wearing platforms or corrective arch insoles. I would like to stress again, it was not a concert, and he received no money from me.

Now you’re probably asking yourself questions like, “Why do I care?” or “What am I doing with my life?” BUT, dear reader, you see the problem I have with this is in any one of his music videos, he surrounds himself with beautiful, gorgeous women. True, anyone red-blodded Canuck would do the same thing (see also: Margot Kidder). But honestly, if not for the fame and fortune and remarkable singing voice, he could never, ever ever ever… ever get that kind of woman in the real world.

Never ever, never. But come on. Most of those girls are like 6′ or taller. Maybe even 6’5″. Hope you brought a step ladder, Michael. But in all seriousness, you could afford a Inspector Gadget-style leg surgery.

TL;DR – I met Michael Buble, I’m taller than him and not Canadian. Supermodel-class women should like me more. That’s just logic.

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IN THIS POST I EXPLAIN THAT MICHAEL BUBLE IS A BIT SHORT COMPARED TO THE IMPOSSIBLY GORGEOUS WOMEN SEEN IN HIS MUSIC VIDEOS